Brenda

 

 

Brenda Lamm ( Mikolajczak ) has the distinction of appearing in all four HTUTS shows!

Google Ghosts - Episode #1 - a Psychic Cyber Serial by tony baksa

                                      

The wine had made him light headed as it always did. Nothing new there. He never really got drunk. He just wouldn't allow that. That would be losing control. No way that was going to happen. Recognizing the onset of light headiness was his signal to stop drinking the wine. It was always wine - usually red, dry and lightly chilled.

Feeling the glow, he felt invincible as he always did in the realm of his light wine head. This time, however, it was a dim, unhappy glow. Too much had happened this year and it was only May. A guy can take just so much - even a guy like him - he who took all the sorrows and grief with philosophical grace. This time it just was too much.  Death had visited far too often and although not a crier, he resorted to anger and wine. Enough is enough!

Walking over to his computer, our hero sits down with the strangest purpose. A fancy has invaded his mind and dictates that he Google his dearly departed. And so he begins without thinking - without resistance he enters the name of his first deceased loved one. What happened next did not send him running. It did not cause the expected stir. No, our weekend wino just sat there accepting what he saw as if this result of his googling was what he was searching for. Truth is he didn't know what he was searching for. He entered a name and what he got would be surprising and scary to most but not him. For him it seemed natural a "but of course" moment tinged with a spark of "I've been waiting for this for ever so long" and a "Thank you, Jesus." thrown in for good measure.

What appeared on his wide all-in-one monitor was his dead parents - his apparently not dead parents. It was like Skype. There they were smiling and full of talk. "How are you? We've been waiting for you. What took you so long. So glad you figured it out."

"But I haven't figured anything out, Mom. It just somehow came to me as an option - a way to see you. I just felt compelled to Google you and half expected this result. Curious isn't it?"

"We've been watching you, son - your mother and I. You must stop being so sad all the time. People die. That's life."

"But Dad, you don't look dead. Where are you?"

"Well, dear boy, no one really dies. Those stories about going toward the light and transitioning and reuniting with loved ones are all true." How wonderful is that?"

"Oh, Dad, really!"

"Yes, honey, really" wept his Mom. "It is so beautiful here. But not perfect. We have lessons to learn  - and atonement - there is that."

"Oh."

"But we are free of pain and grief. That is huge, son." his father added.

"What do you two have to atone for - that seems inconceivable to me."

"We are all sinners, my boy. There's plenty to regret and be sorry for - plenty."

"But Dad, isn't that what hell is for?"

Mom and Dad laughed. "Sweetheart, there is no hell - only heaven - well, we don't refer to this as heaven - but if you could understand our lives now - you'd call it heaven" Mom said.

"Even with the atonement?"

"Especially with the atonement."

" What does that mean?"

"Son, lets not get ahead of ourselves. Too much for you to consider right now. We'll take it slow, okay/" Dad advised.

"But, Dad.."

"No, son. Leave it alone for now."

"It is just that I have missed you guys so much and seeing you now...

"We know, honey - there's time - loads of time. Lets save it for another day." his mother urged.

"I love you both so much."

"We know, son."

"Hey, who else is there with you. Have you seen Norma? I so want..."

"Its time to go, honey."

"Mom. no - wait."

"Google us tomorrow night - bye baby"

And the screen went white. Then the computer shut down only to restart and return to normal - a collage of family portraits appeared as usual for his screen saver.

He was no longer light headed from the wine. He was, for him, sober. Of course, he was never drunk - just well - you know. The reality of what just happened sank in and now - now he was incredulous. "Was I drunk - did I dream this - did I fall asleep at the computer? Who falls asleep at their computer?" - thoughts rushing through his brain.

Mom and Dad looked so well -  and happy - content - at peace - alive - so alive!

WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

It was late. He was alone. He's always alone. Being always alone, he does anything he wants to do without fear of reproach or judgment. Therefore, he popped another cork of dry red wine - chilled -  to accompany a serious into the late night ponder.

WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

After he downed 2 goblets his light headiness returned as did his casual ways and acceptance of whatever would occur. Again, he felt compelled to Google. This time he would Google Norma. And like his earlier search, he was rewarded with a result. Norma appeared just like Mom and Dad - clear and vivid.
                                             

"Norma, oh Norma, you look marvelous and so young!"

"I know" she said without a hint of conceit.

"I suppose Mom and Dad told you we spoke earlier."

"No. I haven't seen them for quite some time. Did you see them?"

"Yes, I did. I assumed you and they well, don't you all - I don't know - hang out?"

"Not really. Perhaps later on - I'm not sure. I do know they are happy and pleased with things. I'm so glad for them."

"Why, I mean, when did you last see them?" - sounding a little frustrated.

Norma thought for a brief moment, "I last saw them at their house in West Hills."

"West Hills?" No I mean up there or - um - there - you know, where you are now."

She laughed. "I haven't seen them here as yet. I suspect it'll be a while until I do."

"But, wait - you mean you haven't seen our parents in 4 years? Didn't they greet you when you died - after you went toward the light and such - they told me that was all true."

"Oh, it is. I'm sorry. I forgot. I was greeted by them and so many others. That was the only time I saw them. Its okay. I feel them and they feel me. It is very much like being together. We just have our own agendas presently."

"Presently! 4 years - presently? "

"Oh, Artie. Calm yourself. Have some more wine."

He did just that.

"Look, Artie. I've been busy atoning. I had no idea its been  4 years. Time doesn't stretch out in front of us as it did when we were, for lack of a better term, alive. "

"What do you have to atone for? "

"We are all sinners, Artie."

"That's what Mom and Dad said."

"Oh, the awful things we do. You'd be amazed at how horrible we can be on earth. Just terrible. And not even know we are being bad."

"That's not fair. How can we know? "

"Oh, we know. We just look the other way, as they say. we rationalize, we deny, we...oh Artie, this is too much for you right now. We have plenty of time."

"Also, what Mom and Dad said."

Norma laughed "Google me tomorrow night okay?" and the screen turned white followed by a reboot and Artie's familial screen saver.

"Also, what Mom and Dad said."

Artie drinks and ponders.
More wine and more Google - this time he'll Google Clifford who passed in January. Then Jill who died in March. Oh, Gregory would be great to see. His death was so tragic. He passed in April. They were all tragic. Clifford, Jill and Gregory died far too young from illnesses that visited pain upon them. Such pain. And yet they have to atone? Doesn't physical suffering account for some atonement? Something seems so terribly unfair about this. Yet Mom and Dad and Norma were fine with it.

"I need answers! I miss my family and friends. I hate that they suffered. I can't face another death. Why am I witness to all this death?"

Back to Google - he starts with Clifford who died from a long list of things complicated by another long list of conditions - lupus and pancreatic cancer taking center stage.

As Artie began to Google he shouted at the monitor, "Come on Clifford be forth right. Tell me what my parents and sister won't. And why won't they? What could be more shocking then dealing with loss. the loss of all the people I loved. I can take anything you tell me, Clifford. Really."
                                             

"Calm down, Art." Clifford began as he materialized on the screen.

"Clifford. Oh gosh - Clifford!" - no longer the calm wine drinker.

"Hi Artie!"

"Are you okay, Cliff? You look okay. You look very okay. "

"I'm okay".

"Clifford, you suffered so."

"Yes."

"You were so full of life."

"I still am, Art."

"So, are you atoning, too?"

"Of course. No one is exempt from atonement."

"How long must you atone?"

"I don't know. Doesn't matter, though. I kinda dig it."

"You were pretty - what? - naughty before you got so sick. But, Jesus, you paid for your sins here. Lupus and pancreatic cancer was no picnic, Cliff."

"It was hell"

"So what exactly do you do to atone?"

"Google me tomorrow night. We have lots of time. I'll tell you more tomorrow." and Clifford dissolved into a white screen that shut down and rebooted as before with the other Google Ghosts - screen saver flickering.

Artie thought " What's with these evasive exits. Just when I might learn something they disappear."

He decided to Google Jill and Gregory tomorrow before he contacted his parents, sister and Clifford, again. Drinking his last drop and corking the half filled wine bottle, Artie collapsed on his sofa and instantly feel into a deep dreamless slumber.

HTUTS Flashes - A Journey of Four Summers

 

I believe theater is the perfect collaboration. Like minded souls and a few altruistic "outsiders" gather in spirit and practice to produce something that must be shared - something that isn't any good unless it is shared. That, to me, is the essence of the performing arts.

 

 - tony baksa -  HTUTS Founder/ Artistic Director

 

 

 

Video may be best viewed "as is" without bringing it to full screen.  - t

Remembrance Of Things PASSED

 

 

You're on the other side I know

But I still hear your voice

I didn't get to say the last goodbye

All I can say is just Hello

 

I'll meet you where the stars and the sun run out of sky

Where the memories of our lives collide

Where the time won't run away

Where the moment never dies

 

You're on the other side I know

But I still hear your voice

I didn't get to say the last goodbye

All I can say is just Hello

 

Hello

 

Hello

 

Hello

 

 

Video may be best viewed "as is" without bringing it to full screen.  - t

Getting Older - words, music & vocal by me - tony baksa

 

 

As requested especially by Cathy & Kevin. I actually figured it out. I'm a technical whiz!! ( after 4 hours of TRIAL & ERROR - with some precious help from PJ Tighe )

Mraz - a- dazzle

Truly cute
Adorable
So unhip-its cool

Child-like
Simplicity
For today will rule

Accept the Hallmark
Sentiment
It won't dent your cool

A slice of corny
Rainbows
Delivered from a stool

May be just
The medicine
For a wayward fool

................t. baksa

Getting Older - a song by tony baksa

                                         GETTING OLDER                    

 

 

 

Getting Older

But not wiser

Making all the same mistakes

 

 

Feeling older

Trying harder

To avoid new pains and aches

 

 

I'm older than I ever thought I'd be

With nothing much to show

A house, some clothes a digital TV

To keep me in the know

 

 

Getting Older

But not wiser

Days go by so fast

 

 

Feeling older

Trying harder

To rearrange my past

 

 

My days are spent the same way as my nights

Still dreaming fairy tales

About my life and who I think I am

As wind deserts my sails

 

 

Getting Older

No reversals

Running out of schemes

 

 

Feeling older

Sleeping longer

Living in my dreams

 

 

Its rare when I have moments such as these

To look inside of me

And see I'm not the stuff made of my dreams

Just to be or not to be 

 

 

Its rare when I have moments such as these

To look inside of me

And see I'm always wrapped up in a dream

The safest place to be

 

 

Getting Older

Feeling older

What more is there for me

 

 

 

 

SHE - Mommie, Ma, Mother

                                       

MOMMIE

She brought me hot chocolate and buttered toast at bedtime.
 
She softly sang me to sleep with "Lavender Blue"

She left the skin on the stovetop chocolate pudding just the way I like it - and still do.

She made me feel special putting me in the center as my siblings sang "Slowpoke" to me and about me in a show she directed at our church.

She allowed me to hide from my Godparents who for some strange reason frightened me even when they came bearing gifts.

MA

She encouraged me to sing while playing the piano - requesting certain songs such as "Mama", "Ordinary People" and "Sunrise Sunset" 
.
She didn't insist I eat spaghetti which I hated at dinnertime but allowed me to foolishly concoct my own dinner - baloney and American Cheese on buttered white bread. What was I thinking?!

She sent Ralph Marano away numerous times when he begged her at the door to let me out to play baseball when she knew I'd rather stay in and watch Annette on The Mickey Mouse Club.

She delighted in the words I invented and frequently used that, to this day, are spoken still with credibility.

She let my own personal style prevail when shopping for clothes whether it be for the new school year, Easter or summertime.

She surprised me when she showed up looking like a Hollywood star at my Boy Scout award ceremony. I failed to tell her about the event but she somehow knew. I was so proud of my Ma especially when Dennis Kalender remarked that she looked like Ava Gardner - and, that night, she did.

She would begin shyly but as she got into the song while I accompanied her on the piano, her rendition of "The Party's Over" was unsurpassed.

She would make me scream with laughter with her outrageous replies to my daily question "What's for dinner?"

MOTHER

She created a home that reflected the now in our lives - comfortable rooms, plants everywhere - her jungle - outside gardens and her beloved patio - it was fashioned all for us.

She was our clock - our appointment calendar

She was our advocate

She was our fearless liaison to the world

She was our heart

She was home 
            
                                    

                                               HAPPY  MOTHERS  DAY

LACKAWANNA DAYS

Such a perfect Sunday - warm, breezy, buzzy and full of possibility. Productive too, what with yard work, socializing, planning and just feeling so damn good.

In cleaning out an everything drawer I came across this funeral photo card.
                                                  

It is dear Father Lackovic - to me a great man! My entire early childhood is evoked in his face. Lackawanna in its glorious hay day like my hay day childhood. And I just now  noticed - Father Lackovic's name is 1/4 of Lackawanna! Hm...significance abounds. But seriously, all that I recall of this dear priest coincides with all the feelings I recall. He was gentle, strong, loving, kind and devoted - dedicated to his calling and most especially to his parishioners -  and beyond - devoted to Lackawanna.

Those were the days  - my days - days of gangs of kids filling the streets with playfulness. We roamed the streets, yards and alleyways with not a worry. No one was lurking about waiting to exploit us. We felt safe and were safe. Neighbors cared about us - knew us well.  Those were the days of unlocked churches, free air for our bikes, penny candy, Joni James and Ed Sullivan. Those were the days of beaches aplenty, playgrounds with sandboxes and teeter totters, hide and seek just as it was getting dark  - and my favorite game -  statues.

This man's face is rich with my memories. I saw Father Lackovic almost daily it seemed - church on Sunday, Novena on Wednesday, all kinds of activities like plays and shows in the church basement that had a pretty good sized stage - shows my mother directed which shamelessly starred her children. He was always available for talks and visits -  snacks to offer.  I remember baseball games with Father Nick and Lackovic good naturedly arguing.

Memories of those Lackawanna Days make me laugh and cry. Like the character in "Our Town" I long to relive them or maybe just one day - one insignificant day would be significant enough. Just one day to see Ma and Dad as they were - young and beautiful. To see my precious dog, Daisy and play with buddies Mickey, Reggie and Frankie.

To see my siblings and their friends, Jeanie with Chita, Gloria with Andrea, Patsy with Barbara or as we called her, Bobby, Georgie with me, Larry and Mickey. We all had a Karnavos for a friend - spanning all our ages.

And then I suddenly remember the tulip tree in back of our 5th Street house which was really in front but we thought of it in back because we rarely used the front. That sentence just made me dizzy.

New Years parties at our house always - noisy and funny and abundant with ethnic foods - relatives galore - cousins always present - never the strangers they are today - summers were endless and school was like stepping into another room in your house - the wonderful nuns - the walks pass that terrific library as we made our way home. I loved that library - its bodacious book smell - the creaky wood floors. We went one night a week - all of us to the library to take out whatever we liked - what night was that. I feel it was early Wednesday evenings.

We saw every movie - sometimes twice at The Ridge or Shea rarely Franklin later mostly at the Abbott. I clearly recall the shock of "On The Waterfront" with the dangerous Brando -  "Sayonara"    also with Brando - less dangerous here. "Rumble On The Docks" was so fabulous with the actress who was really pretty but ugly in the movie role she so brilliantly played. All we could talk about was her on our walk home. Gee, we walked everywhere didn't we? Lastly, "Three Coins In The Fountain" was magical to us - Rome in full Technicolor. Gloria remarking during a scene where Jean Peters is reeling down a country road in a brakeless jalopy - her life in peril - and Gloria broke us all up with "Look at all those red apples!" because all she could see was the beautiful red delicious fruit in the background caring not one bit for the fate of Jean Peters. So funny. So very funny. So very Gloria.

So much to remember - all brought to mind by a mere glance at a yesterday face.  I cherish that face. Thank you Father Lackovic.