Thursday, February 5, 2015

I Still Can See Your Face


The mother memories that are closest to my heart are the small gentle ones that I have carried over from the days of my childhood. They are not profound, but they have stayed with me through life, and when I am very old, they will still be near.― Margaret Sang

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Eye Candy


Smooth movement
Lines aligned

Grabbing focus
Owning focus
Fully aware
Kindly aware

Speaking volumes 
Radiating - pulling me in


Victim-less victim 
Those eyes
Beige body


On display
Just for me

So fine
All mine


Friday, January 9, 2015

2014 - The Numbers Have It - a brief retrospective........

Looking back on one whole year - random pops up. 


On the positive side:


Pop Up #1 - San Francisco - Long overdue visit to spend time with in-laws and reacquaint myself with this magical city. I first visited SF in 1996. That experience and the 2014 experience couldn't be more different. Suffice it to say my most recent SF trip stands out as the highlight of my year. Especially noteworthy was spending much of the time with Glenn's family, cousins, Aunts and Uncles. What a classy group. 


Pop Up #2 - Movies - as movie critic for The Sun I saw many movies and luckily many good movies - stand outs are "Gone Girl", "The Imitation Game" all the X-Men flicks and especially "Into The Woods". I love this job!

Pop Up #3 - I directed a staged reading of Michael Russell's comedy "Countergirls" . Performed in a restaurant setting, it was very successful - packed house - people had to be turned away at the door - sorry for that but happy, too. 


Pop Up #4 - I lost 56 pounds by eating delicious healthy food and cutting bread and butter from my diet. There's nothing like the feeling of buying new clothes 2 sizes smaller and fitting comfortably into restaurant booths. 


Pop Up #5 - Loving our frequent train rides to NYC where I left my heart - sorry San Fran.

Pop Up #6 - Home improvements - new AC system - new flooring for entire first floor - new terrific lawn service - tree removal

Pop Up #7 - continued good relations with neighbors and so glad we could be the one helping for a change as they are always the ones to bail these city slickers out of their country jams. Can you say "bats in the belfry"? 


Pop Up #8 - new car - love the very blue Fusion - love it!                                  


Pop Up #9 - a very nice languid Christmas season spent with the ones that really care

Pop Up #10 - Netflix

Pop Up #11 - Amazon Prime                                         

Pop Up #12 - Trader Joe's comes to Buffalo

Pop Up #13 - advice from a wise niece actually takes hold and brings about happy acceptance - it's got to do with letting go of toxic people and appreciating those good people who want nothing from you but you. I have been a much less crazy person ever since. 

Pop Up #14 - Blue framed eye glasses 

Pop Up #15 - memory foam slip-on gym shoes

Pop Up #16 - MARRAIGE EQUALITY SPREADS TO 36 STATES!  It's only a matter of time, travails, shouting matches and holier than though rallies until sensibility rules - in my lifetime.


On the not so positive side:


Pop Up #1 - the tragedy of Jenny - dear beautiful niece passes away unexpectedly 2 days before 2014 draws to a close - only 21 years old -  a true shock


Pop Up #2 - a tragedy of a different sort - loss of a friendship - surprise behavior brings the end to what I believed to be a very close and special relationship - WHY is still the hanging unanswered question - why meaning why the cold unloving actions perpetrated against me? - the hurt is gone, now but a sadness lingers


Pop Up #3 -  Snowvember!!

Pop Up #4 - car was vandalized - extraordinary how an act like this can make you feel so violated - one day of terror corrected the very next day to great satisfaction - all's well that ends well!

Pop Up #5 - a certain brand of cruelty targets another niece health-wise - prayers of deliverance and mercy are much appreciated 

Pop Up #6 - I read very few books in 2014

Pop Up #7 - RACISM REARED ITS UGLY HEAD MORE THAN ONCE IN 2014 - this must stop!

Thank God, my positive Pop-Ups outnumber the negatives. Here's hoping my good numbers continue to dominate.



Friday, January 2, 2015

Forever Young

When I was young and even into my middle age, I wanted many things - material and otherwise. I wanted a career - several careers - some I achieved with success -  some not. 

What else did I want? Well, I wanted to be thin as Mick Jagger and handsome as Sal Mineo. I loved travel and good food, museums and European churches. I wanted to speak Italian and Chinese fluently. Oh, the list goes on. 

It's funny how things work out. I think I confused liking with wanting. I have had much in life available to me. I used to think that giving up things like people and relationships for my career was romantic. I thought a lot of things - all ridiculous - all stupid. But, I don't beat myself up about it. After all, that is what being young is all about - misplaced emotions, wants, desires and bad decisions. We all survive our youth for the most part unscathed. 

Life has a way of stepping on dreams - thankfully - silly dreams - preposterous youthful plans. If you stay true to your nature, it all comes out in the wash. 

From a recent tragic event, I am once again reminded that the only goal I ever have these days is cherishing the love of my life. That nothing has any worth without the sharing. A good book, a movie, a gourmet morsel, a laugh, a few pounds dropped a surge of inspiration means nothing without my love.  

Wish we could all know this when we are young. Well, maybe we do. Perhaps we let it lurk about letting this notion play peek-a-boo with our nerves. Somehow we know it will overtake us when we don't need our many silly desires anymore. We will let it in and thank the stars we've reached the understanding that love is all there is. 

Specific love is the great achievement. It is the worthy success. 

I am a success. I have a love that satisfies all my notions of making it in this world. Everything else is frosting on the cake. To tell you the truth, I always preferred banana bread without the icing.  

2014 was a very good year for me - for us.

2014 ended on a tragic note - two days shy of 2015. It is a reminder how fragile we are - how touch and go life is. 

Cherish your life -  bumps and all. If you have a specific love or two or three, you dare not complain. What's important is that you have your life and that you love and even more importantly that you are loved.  Tragedy can bring you to your senses. 

I cherish my memories of Jenny. What a force she was - funny and smart and beautiful. Jenny was youth. And, now, she will be forever young.  


It is too sad to try and figure it out. 

A happy heart can be broken. My happy heart hurts for Jenny's loving family. I wish their painful journey of grief subsides into a spiritual sorrow and ends in love and acceptance. I am hoping today as we all strive to bravely say goodbye to Jenny tomorrow and the next final day, that we remember that no one really dies. The soul is eternal. 

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Thanks from a Grateful Elder


This snow storm here in WNY is not a joke. Today its danger compounds. Snow  - hard cold snow is piled so high. Half of my large garage is covered. I cannot see the house across the street. The snow is up to my windows now and it keeps coming down. Power outages are being reported in nearby towns. Eight deaths are attributed to this disaster. Because that is what it is - a disaster. My town has made the national news. It has been constantly on the major networks and the weather channel. It is clear so many of us are in danger. 

Especially seniors.

I consider myself pretty fit for my age and very resourceful. But the fact is, as you age, there are limits to what you can do physically. This storm has presented many challenges. I have met them emotionally and spiritually. I am unable to respond physically, however. 

It's an age thing. All I can do is wait out this frightful episode.

This is why calls and texts and messages from friends and family mean so much and make me feel like I will be okay. They understand my situation. Glenn and I are lucky to have one another. To enjoy as best we can this internment. But we, being social animals and doers, if you will, are anxious to rejoin the human race. 

I cannot believe the people in my life who couldn't take the time for a quick phone call, email, text, Facebook posting or tweet. It is terrible how self absorption and lack of empathy pervades so many. Well, I accept your careless natures. You are what you are. I will always remember that.

I will also always remember those sweet people who love me enough to check in. 

Thank you nephews Michael and Adam. Thank you niece Anne Marie. Thank you dear friends Don Paul,Cathy Hechler, Jane Eve and Ken Ruisi.. Thank you cousins Nancy and Donna.  Thank you Aunt Grace & Rose. Thanks cousins Diane and Maryanne in San Francisco AND sister-in-law Colleen and brother-in-law Colin. And a special thanks to a great neighbor and friend, Jean Feldman.

You all understand that at whatever age , humans need to feel they matter. I am grateful. Michael, Adam, Anne Marie, Don, Cathy, Jane Eve, Ken, Nancy, Donna, Grace, Rose, Diane, Maryanne, Colleen and Colin & Jean - you all matter to me -  especially because I matter to you.