Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Code Blue by tony baksa

2 degrees
real feel minus 6 - outside
inside real feel
warm and cozy

staying home

TV news
cold snap continues
not for me
warm diversions - aplenty

a giddy feeling
weatherman says
"code blue" - code blue?

homeless herded
into shelters
borrowed warmth
just for the night

some soup
a cot
a blanket
then sleep

out at 8 am
real feel
a long day ahead

a chill sweeps
over my contentment
desperately grateful
cherished home

code blue
a cruel signal
of charity
temporary warmth

out at 8 am
a long
day again

real feel
real feel

code blue


Sunday, January 12, 2014

Gloria - First Birthday In Heaven

I cannot believe it has been less then one year since Gloria passed away. In fact, it was March 17th - St. Patrick's Day. How do you wish someone who has passed Happy Birthday. It seems rather absurd. Nevertheless, January 9th needs to be acknowledged. It's the date we think of Gloria. So here is my video birthday card for my dear sister Gloria. Simply - Happy Birthday - you are missed.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Midnight Musings


  • I'm back to thinking about mortality - my ax, I know. Phil Everly died and a flood of memories and thoughts wash through me. I went to youtube to visit the past and hear the beautiful Everly Brothers. They were as beautiful as their sound. Weren't we all to varying degrees. And the age old question comes back to bother me. Why must we die? How do we live knowing we die?
Some people rely on religion to soften the blow, Some people refuse to think about it. And some people (me) think about it all the time. Merde.

  • I find as I age, that my tolerance for shallow people has diminished greatly. Am I being unkind? Are people purposely shallow? Is shallow subjective? Do I join their shallow world by tolerating them - a sort of participation? 

  • It's funny how I continue to make new friends. I thought that when you got older, your friendships were pretty much set. But, I am always amazed at the frequency of "new" people that enter my world.

  • Totally switching gears: An old friend of mine who lives in Tennessee sends me terrific presents every Christmas. This year she sent me food gifts; Chow Chow which I tasted today by putting it on my grilled salmon steak. I liked it. Among other items was a box of Goo Goo Clusters. OMG! these candy bars are absolute heaven. I remember them as a child but I don't recall them being this delicious.

  • Staying with food - I promised myself - a sort of New Year resolution - to eat more fruits and vegetables. I love fruits and veggies but I like bread and butter more. I am conflicted about this because I feel - getting back to my original topic, mortality - if I deny myself the foods that I like , I may go to my grave before I re-experience ├ęclairs and Goo Goo Clusters. So, what do I do. Live a fat and happy life or a slim and healthy (deprived) existence?

  • I have this image of myself - in my mind's eye - I see a slim 27 year old with longish hair and bright eyes - I feel this image of me also. Then I go to my bathroom mirror in the morning to throw water on my face - I towel dry and glimpse a man that resembles my father - the man in the mirror is not slim and 27. If it weren't so funny I'd cry.

  • Fair warning - a rant is coming.............I know same sex marriage is still fairly new to our culture BUT, although I had a pretty terrific Christmas, with all the family and friends I spent time, NOT ONE PERSON ASKED ME WHAT GLENN GAVE ME FOR CHRISTMAS or ASKED GLENN WHAT I GAVE. This might seem like a small thing but believe me it is not - especially when all the straight people are asking the other straight people what their spouses gave them for Christmas. I have noticed that straight people - well, in my world , anyway talk differently to opposite sex couples then they do to same sex couples. They seem to deliberately avoid romantic topics, domestic issues and just everyday inquiries into your cohabited life. Yet, they are all over straight couples about the tiniest of things getting all gooey over just any little hubby wifey thing. And, you may not agree with me but dear family and friends THIS IS A FORM OF  HOMOPHOBIA. So, at several  gatherings I got so angry inside that I volunteered information as almost a protest - a declaration of the validity of my marriage. And yet the response was indifference laced heavily with avoidance - facial expressions that seem to say "Uh-we don't want to talk about THAT" For example, I announced that one of the gifts Glenn gave me was a check for one thousand dollars. I thought such a gift would garner glee and joy from my family and friends. What I got was blank stares and a moving on attitude. If one of the straight husbands or wives at this particular gathering had shared such news, it would have been received differently - you know, good natured jokes, congrats, questions about how will you spend the money etc. But, no, not a word. I was so deflated and then felt because of this cold collective response to my gift announcement, that they will all decide and talk later about how Anthony bragged. Sometimes I wish there was a separate planet for gay people. A place that hurt would only result from issues other than sexuality. A planet free from opinions by straight people who think they know BUT DO NOT KNOW a true thing about being gay in a straight society.

  • One more rant in a similar vein - GAY IS NOT A LIFE STYLE - mmkay? A life style is living in a cabin in the woods - fishing and hunting for your food. A life style is boating enthusiasts. A life style is something you choose like being a vegetarian. A life style is living high on the hog or choosing to live simply. Surfing is a lifestyle. Our wonderful new Pope has chosen a humble lifestyle. ROMANTIC AND SEXUAL FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS ARE NOT  LIFESTYTLES - DO YOU HEAR ME STRAIGHT PEOPLE? GAY IS NOT A LIFESTYLE! GAY JUST IS like straight just is. Someday I'll rant about how I hate the defining terms "gay" and "straight". But not today. I'm spent.