Sunday, September 29, 2013

Nice

                                              


I have a friend who is going through some difficult times. His unhappiness is the result of a recent act of cruelty. It was a completely unnecessary  act of cruelty. Well, no cruelty is necessary. It is just that the perpetrator of this assault on my friend could have accomplished his goal without the cruelty. He could have been nice.

After talking with my friend - well, for a better flow - lets call him Ricky - after we spoke and hearing the devastation in his every word, I wondered about my own behavior. How nice am I? How cruel am I? How have I caused anyone to be unhappy?

We all want to think of ourselves as nice - nice people - good generous and caring. But how true is that in percentages. Are we 100% good? Probably not.

I look at some of my actions over my lifetime. I know for certain that I have been nice - very nice. I have been good. I have also been mean, selfish and cruel. The instances when I have been less than nice were always rationalized as necessary behavior at the time because, after all, I am a good person. But, no, I was not the good nice person I want people to think I am. Looking back with honesty, I see how bad I was. I see what I am capable of doing to others. And I am ashamed.

Ricky's recent tragedy has enlightened me to recognize my demon. It has made me come to the simplest and clearest of conclusions. We can be nice. We can take care of business and resolve it with no regrets to haunt us through sleepless nights.

Of course, the reality of our world shows us cruel people without a conscience. People who would not lose sleep over their sins. Are we to extend our love to them despite their inherent evil? I don't know. I think it is best to avoid such people, that is, if and when you recognize them for what they are. It may be difficult to completely avoid them. They may be your boss, your parent, your next door neighbor. But you can keep them out of the fabric of your life. Such people can bring you down - can convert you - can give you permission to be like them before you even know what is happening to you.

To be nice - to strive to be nice - that is my goal. I am a good person. This I know. My desire to be consistent is the effort. Of course it is. We are all selfish creatures. It is a given. The human being, above all else lives to survive. We nurture ourselves with food, water, oxygen AND love - all selfish acts - but selfish is like the good fats and bad fats in our diet - love is the good selfish. It is the one thing we do for ourselves that benefits the objects of our affections.

Poor dear Ricky. He is a good person. He is a nice person. He was dealt a cruel blow by a  - bad person? -  a cruel, not nice person? Yes. But this person doesn't love Ricky. Then are we only nice to those we love? It is easier, for sure, to be nice to our loved ones. I hold that we can go through the day falling in love with almost everyone we encounter if just for a minute - a few seconds. Nice precedes these encounters and is the aftertaste when they are over.

If only for Ricky or because of Ricky I will endeavor to sustain this desire to be nice. It wouldn't hurt. How could it?  

They say you are not you except in terms of relation to other people. If there weren't any other people there wouldn't be any you because what you do, which is what you are, only has meaning in relation to other people.”
Robert Penn Warren
                                             

13 comments:

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    Replies
    1. Enjoyed your sermon. Makes me evaluate how I treat others on a daily basis. Sometimes we say or act out to another, often not realizing the pain/humiliation/"unkindness" we demonstrated. Mimi

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