Thursday, August 22, 2013

In Between Day

                                                   IN  BETWEEN DAY
                                            


You're not sad - well, yes, you are - but not for one specific thing. You're definitely not hungry. Food is not the delight it usually is for you. You walk around like a zombie in training. The day is gray gray gray. The sound of music sickens you. The phone sounds an excessively loud ring. You can barely manage a smile for the cashier at the supermarket. The mail lays unattended. The television gets an entire day off.

Are you depressed? Not really. You know if you try hard enough you can snap out of it. You just don't even want to try. The effort seems meaningless. So you wallow in your purgatory. You are having an in between day.

If you could muster up a list, you might be able to focus on what is bothering you. You begin a mental list but then your mind wanders all over the place. You think about a button missing from your favorite shirt. You'll never find a replacement which means you will never wear that shirt again. This saddens you beyond its appropriateness. Is it the button? Or is it the funeral you attended in March and not the goddamn button at all.

The in between day has you disliking everything that crosses your path. Your look of contempt is slightly disguised by the shield of dull vapor that surrounds you like an ugly rain cloud halfway ready to burst.

It isn't even 2:00 o'clock in the afternoon and you are ready for bed. You know you won't sleep but you must lie down - close your eyes and because it is an in between day - when you close your eyes you will see nothing - just darkness - no pictures. And this darkness will not comfort you.

Dinnertime comes and goes. What was it you just ate? The phone rings and you let voice mail do its job. You sit on the front porch watching the boring cars speed by. Where are they so eager to get to? Home? Why? Home. What's home?

OK, snap out of it. This is beginning to enter the realm of depression. Once you are in you may lose your way. So you try to think of something to do - some thing - anything that will supply a little ray of hope. Then the mental list starts again; music, a movie, ice cream, call a friend, drink some wine, take a walk, get a pet - a dog. OH, how you have wanted a dog. Then you remember, dogs need you around a whole lot especially in the beginning. And you also remember how bad you are at house training.

So you just sit there on your front porch that usually gives you more pleasure then is warranted - you sit there and give in to the in between day. You've had them before. This, too, will pass you archly think. And like Scarlett O'Hara, you know without a doubt that tomorrow is another day.

                                  



16 comments:

  1. I am having that kind of day - I call it being out of sorts. Indeed, my wife and I joke about it when she asks me what's wrong. I'm out of sorts. Well, here's some sorts, she'll respond, in a half-hearted attempt to pull me out of it. The worst days is when we are both out of sorts. So, what to do to escape this "in-between" day? I'm going to Disney World!

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  2. Its OK to fall apart for a little while. You don't always have to be strong. Cry if you have too its healthy to shed tears. Allow yourself to feel out of sorts for a day. The next day you can begin again..there is always a new day...take a deep breath and smile.Love Jean

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  3. And all this time I thought it was hormones.

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  4. Yes indeed. Sometimes the in between days take over if you let them. It takes all you can muster just to remember that cliche, "life is good." And it is, but you cannot or refuse not to remember "when?"

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    Replies
    1. Life is always good but "shit happens" - another cliché'

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