WHAT'S THE USE OF WONDERING

                                              

Let's face it. We all want to be loved. Even by those we don't love. It's an ego thing one might suppose. And I suppose it could be BUT I propose it may be something else entirely. It may just be basic human desire. If you love me then I will certainly love you right back. I believe we are all willing to strike such a bargain. I know I am.

Does that make me a wimp or weak or a person with low self esteem? All a bunch of mean words, don't you think? Wanting to be loved needs no excuses. It's primal.

Then one must consider the degree to which you love or are loved.

        Are you loved enough by friends and relatives to include you in -  if not all then some of their events - parties, get togethers and passages such as weddings, funerals, graduations, reunions?

         Do you love enough to feel hurt, angry, unloved by those who exclude you from these events?

          Should you measure love as a result of these exclusions OR should you come to the conclusion that you are not merely loved enough but that possibly - painfully - you are not loved at all?

            Should you then, after reaching this sorry conclusion, decide to stop loving those you now feel do not love you back?

             Do you run down a list of hurts that have been inflicted upon you by these so called loved ones in the hopes of rationalizing your decision to stop the loving?

              Should you realize that these so called loved ones couldn't care less about your hurt - that it would never cross their icy minds to even ponder you and your paranoia?

           Is it paranoia?

                                                     NO!