It has become a cliche to say family is who you chose not necessarily who you are related too. And cliche's are tiresome. Yet, don't cliche's exist out of truth? You see, I agree with the "family is who you chose" cliche. There are people in my life I love to death who are not blood related or even related through marriage. They are related through experience - through shared times and events - episodes. I think about this today because I just spent an evening with such a "relative". He is everything family should be - well, everything we keep expecting from blood but are frequently let down by. Why is that? This young man comes to my home with love and respect and bushels of fun. He leaves me with a pure heart. There is never a left over resentment or shred of disappointment after he is gone. I have wanted that from my family all my life. It is a rare moment in time when I had that. Retrospectively, I had unconditional love from my parents who are sadly gone. I have a sister , a brother-in-law, niece and two nephews who fulfill this need. Yet, I come from a large family of siblings, nieces and nephews. It is a very broken family as a distant niece recently remarked.
When did we break? When will we be fixed? Who will fix us?
I am not shattered. It is just something I think about when chosen family - not blood - shares my time. I actually have a good life. I am with the love of my life. I am not unhappy. I just could be happier. Couldn't we all?
Oh, the cliche is " "You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family" - thanks google. I prefer the newer cliche "Friends are the family we choose for ourselves".
You know I can relate to this. Why is it that some family members find a perverse satisfaction when a relation is going thru a hard time? Who needs to hear ," I told you so."
ReplyDeleteI wish I knew the answer to that. I know, for me, my family dysfunction is a mystery. My parents were great! They made us all feel equally loved. They also inspired independance. So, they weren't helicopter parents.Yet, somewhere along the way some of my siblings got weird. I think some siblings never really grow up. They still see their brothers and sisters as they did when young and competing for parental love.Or, in some cases their lives didn't quite work out as they had hoped AND resent others accomplishments and happiness. So, when something bad happens they are overjoyed. Now, you've become like them. And they revel in reminding you of your failure. Thus, 'I told you so."
Delete