Monday, March 18, 2013

Gloria

We can have all the beliefs and theories about the afterlife and what is on the other side. But truly, do we really believe any of it. If we did believe then why is it so hard to face grief. In fact, why even grieve. After all, dying is supposed to be a transition to a better place for most of us. We won't even discuss that other place today.

I like to believe that we go on. Human conceit allows it. Yet, when I am alone with myself and very very quiet, I just do not know. If I really listen to my heart, I know that all I can vouch for is death puts an end to breathing. The heart stops. That is all I am certain of.

My sister, Gloria, a very gentle soul, passed away yesterday. I sat next to her still body as she seemed to be sleeping. Except she wasn't breathing anymore. I touched her. She was still warm which amazed me. I felt she might suddenly open her eyes and see me.

I hope she has transitioned into that place of light and warmth everyone talks about. That place where her daughter, Julie, is waiting to greet her with open arms. That place where Ma and Dad and brother Georgie are laughing as they welcome Gloria into her happy destiny. Heaven? Sounds like heaven to me.

I also believe life, living, is so wonderful. What could be better than life on earth - when everything is going your way, that is. What could be better than breaded pork chops, and chocolate eclairs, fresh baked baguettes, bold falvored freshly brewed coffee in the morning. But mostly heaven on earth is being with the ones you love - the one you love - the ones you are learning to love - laughing, crying at a sad movie, intimate romance, a really good book, music music, a benign snowstorm that keeps you in for two days with your spouse, junk TV and junk food, napping, that sudden rush of happiness that fills you with possibilities. How can heaven - the afterlife -  compete with all of this. How? How?

I miss you, Gloria, Ma, Dad, Georgie, Aunt Lee and Uncle Tony, Uncle Vince and Aunt Anna, Uncle Don and all the other friends and relatives heaven takes away from us. I hope with all my heart that the beyond blows life on earth totally away.

I still want you here. But if that land of light and warmth is real, well then, I'll be seeing you. I love you all.

 I love you, Gloria.

20 comments:

  1. Tony, I am so VERY sorry for your loss(es). What a horrible loss, indeed, and yet what a thought-provoking & beautifully written piece, an insightful & glorious honour, a tribute, a reminiscence truly fit for inspiring, in all who read it, the Truth of the perseverance of the eternal spirit.
    Tony, as a friend, and as a fellow thespian, a sibling of the universe, I KNOW, any religion aside, that we all shine on.
    I know that you know this, too. We've both had too many affecting and peculiar experiences after a loved one's passing to Ever Dream that we Completely leave.
    I feel for you and yours - immensely - & my heart is filled with sorrow + love vibes for you in this sad time.
    If you ever need to talk, just lemme know.
    Xoxo To You & G., Love, Amber.

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    1. I feel hopeful about "shining on" - thanks for your heartfelt comment, Amber.

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  2. Donna Hosking (Hailand)March 19, 2013 at 10:01 PM

    Dearest Tony, I can't express how shocked and saddened I was when I found out that Gloria had passed. I thought, "Not another dear relative gone?" Memories of my childhood spent with all our dear relatives who have passed started to fill my head, along with regrets of not spending more time with them as an adult. Gloria was truly one such person I should have spent more time with. I agree with you that she was and always will be a dear and precious, sensitive soul.
    I believe that she has found her heaven and that our tears can rightfully change from sadness and grieve to happiness and acceptance. She will always be in our hearts because she has surely earned the right to be there.
    My heart is with you, Glen, Michael, Danny, Mary and everyone else who was so blessed to be a part of her life

    Your loving cousin, Donna Hosking 3/19/13

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    1. Thanks, Donna - we weren't ready for this - guess we never are. I also have wonderful memories of our childhood. Especially the Bay View house. Gloria always said she loved the time we lived and played in Bay View. I remember your visits and laugh when I think of Butch always falling in the sewer! What a mess. Good times!

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    2. Not Butch. It was me. Little brother Gary.

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    3. Then, Gary, it must run in the family. I remember your big bro with black mucked up pants in almost every visit. I'm laughing now just thinking about it.

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  3. Your remembrance of your sister, Gloria, is beautiful. I believe our faith demands that we will know Heaven when our time comes. I am looking forward to seeing my parents again. I haven't seen my father in 50 years and still miss him.

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    1. That would be wonderful, wouldn't it - to reunite with the parents and other loved ones. My mother passed away in 1985 and I still miss her, too.

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  4. Christine Gordon ScarsellaMarch 19, 2013 at 11:10 PM

    So thoughtful !!!!!!!

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  5. Love you Tony Baksa

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  7. Anthony, there is a Heaven and Gloria is there having earned peace and joy. We as humans do not want to let go of our loved ones and if we did not have Heaven their would be an end worst then death for our loved ones. She has joined all our loved ones and I know they are playing cards as they always did. You dad always got yelled at, because when it was his turn to pick which poker they would play, he always picked aomething sort of crazy. I remember sitting there (not in the game), just laughing at their crazy antics. Someday I will be joing them and I want you always to hold me in your heart and to sing a new song for me. Love Aunt anne

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    1. Aunt Annie, I will sing any song any time for you straight from my heart.

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