MY GRIEF

                                             

 

Grief is a funny thing. It is experienced in many different ways. It must be. I don't find myself not eating or crying all the time or obsessing about the past. I know that is how some people grieve.

                                        

I have discovered something recently. I am a griever like everybody else. However, I do not seem to grieve like everybody else. For me it comes in waves - sometimes in moments - sometimes a prick of a sensation - an essence - and I am filled up with a presence - other times a longing - a yearning - a strange feeling of suspense as if something is about to happen - to be revealed - to change everything And the grief will turn into relief. There are those episodes where I feel like I am dreaming knowing full well I am wide awake and functioning. I think, as fleeting as these experiences are for me, grief does not come and go. Grief comes and stays. It rises to the surface - submerges - reappears as if to be fed - rests and then a while later wakes up inside of me. All the time lurking - watching - waiting to surface - not going away - like a retro virus.

                                        


How do you manage grief? You just deal. You control it rather than it controlling you. You acknowledge it - feel it - and lay it to rest. Grief will obey. This routine will keep you sane. It will even comfort you. In time, grief will become your friend. It will keep the object of your grief close to you proving that no one really dies. You won't be able to explain why this is so but you will know deep in your heart of hearts that it is true. Your well managed grief will serve as a tribute to the one for whom you grieve.

                                  

 

My grief is good. My grief is necessary. My grief is solace.